In the summer of 2009, I took a keen interest in improving my Chinese. At the time, I could recognize about 300 Chinese characters (symbols), enough that I could order a meal, count to 100 and make sure I didn’t enter the women’s restroom by mistake, but not much more.
I really dove into the learning. I invested in an electronic dictionary, software, podcasts, Chinese internet radio subscription, and even a private teacher. This went on for several months. Then, in the fall of 2009, I lost interest. I directed my time and energy towards psychic development instead.
My parents, upon hearing this news, reminded me how this was a recurring pattern in my life. According to them, I have a tendency to pick up a new project, get all excited and worked up as though I was going to become a Chinese scholar, only to lose interest as quickly as I gained it. “What’s wrong with you Bing?” they’d ask.
“You spend all this time and money on new projects, then you abandon them. Your bookshelf is a graveyard of projects that you were once interested in. What’s going on? Can you stick to anything in life? You know that if you don’t change this behavior, you’ll never become anything worthwhile!”
I didn’t know how to explain myself. When it came to the facts, they were right on the money. My bookshelf is a graveyard of abandoned hobbies and interests. Calligraphy brushes, music scores, and all manner of books are gathering dust as we speak. What’s wrong with me?
I let what my parents said to me stew in my head for a while. Then, a few months later, when I had a new project in mind, they brought up this example again to remind me why I shouldn’t get so excited about the new project.
This time, I had a reply ready:
“Well, you may be right. I have abandoned my efforts at learning Chinese, for now. But I much enjoyed the learning experience. I met many new people through it – my Chinese teacher, and friends I made at the Chinese meet-up group. I became familiar with Chinese radio and news. I’ve learned a lot of Chinese culture. And instead of only recognizing 300 Chinese characters, I’m now up to 1,200. Wouldn’t you say that, even though I may not be a Chinese literary scholar, I’ve made a lot of progress and have something to show for my efforts?”
“Uh, well, yes, that’s a good point. You have definitely much improved your Chinese since a year ago.”
“And wouldn’t you say that as long as I got something out of my efforts, that the project was worthwhile?”
What do you expect to get?
When we complain that we don’t seem to be able to stick to one thing for a long period of time, it’s because we failed to meet a certain expectation we have of ourselves. That expectation is that we must become an expert, a world champion, at everything that we do, in one straight line from the day we start. If we lose interest or abandon our efforts, that’s considered a failure, because we didn’t reach our goal.
We expect that we should settle for one thing, one project, and stick with it until we succeed.
There’s only one problem:
We can drive ourselves insane.
We’re not meant to become world champions at everything we do. Sometimes we just want to learn something to satisfy our curiosity… to know and experience.
Sometimes we want to do things just for the satisfaction of being able to say, “been there, done that.”
Or perhaps we want to meet new people.
Or discover a new hobby to give us pleasure and satisfaction in our spare time.
Furthermore, sometimes our interest comes in cycles and spurts.
I first decided to brush up on my Chinese in 2004. At the time, I went from recognizing no characters to having a good grasp on 300. After a few months, I abandoned my efforts. Then in 2009, I resumed my efforts, going from 300 to 1,200. After a few months, I again lost interest.
More recently, I’ve once again regained my interest, and in the past month, I’ve read two full Chinese books. I reckon I can recognize somewhere in range of 1,500 to 1,800 Chinese characters, and because of all the reading I’ve done, I’m much more able to guess the meanings of unfamiliar words based on their context. For the first time ever, I can actually watch a Chinese language film and understand about half of what they’re saying without the help of subtitles.
I’m not expert at Chinese yet, but I hardly consider myself a failure. Yet, over the last seven years, I’ve twice picked up and dropped Chinese as an interest – I’m on my third take right now. Will it last? Judging by past experience, no.
Does that mean it’s not worth doing? Absolutely not. Every time I set down to learn Chinese, I make progress. I’m ahead of where I started. And I learn for the satisfaction of learning.
But wouldn’t I get farther, and in less time, if instead of gaining and losing interest, I simply stick with it and don’t stop until I become an expert? Maybe. But I probably wouldn’t enjoy it or have nearly as much fun as when I follow my own natural course.
If we’re always focused on sticking with everything that we do until we achieved massive success, we might not enjoy the process as much. And we might not try many things at all, because unless we’re assured of becoming world champions at everything we do, why bother?
It’s ok to try a variety of things. It’s ok to dabble a bit. Life is meant to be a smorgasbord, not a box full of nothing but orange creme chocolates.
So give yourself permission to try a variety of different things. Look at your “failures” as enlightening experiences.
Can’t seem to stick with anything for very long? That’s probably ok, as long as you’re enjoying the ride. At the end of the day, what is the purpose of life, other than to truly enjoy the experience, whichever way that takes shape for you?
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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Alex, good point. I can totally relate to it. When you enjoy something, you can actually do it for the fun, not for the results.
Wow, sorry, Bing.
I am kind of get used to Alex
I’ll be more attentive next time
I can relate to this experience very much. This ‘cant stick with one thing for long’ pattern drove my parents crazy and as i grew older i learned to internalize that criticism. So, as i lost interest in one subject, after diving deeply into it (failing to become a master but learning quite a lot, nevertheless), and dove into another, i often felt a one-two-punch of excitement (in the the new thing) and guilt (for abandoning the old thing). I think it is perhaps a normal condition for some people and maybe not so for others. But the energy from the inspiration i feel from a new interest (learning a new programming language, taking courses in unfamiliar subjects) is something that makes life motivating and interesting. Perhaps we should think of ourselves as lucky we have such a “problem”?
Hi Bing!
Interesting post you got here. Love this quote “Life is meant to be a smorgasbord, not a box full of nothing but orange creme chocolates.” That’s very true.
When life has so many things to offer, it’s hard not to get blinded and distracted by different things often. There’s nothing wrong with it we believe. As long as we’ve gained something, even if it’s as tiny as a grain of rice, the project is worthwhile. At the very least, if you still feel like you didn’t get anything out of it, you know for sure that it wasn’t for you and that at least you tried.
On a side note, was just wondering if you’ve heard of the term ‘Scanners’. It’s about having so many different passions and skills that you want to do everything at the same time or in phases right after one another. We came across it through another blog. Do you think you fall into that category too?
Tariq and Shaheera
Awesome article for all you Scanners and Renaissance Souls out there. I’d before learned about the benefit of being a jack of all trades and a master of none. But this article drives the message home, and I find it’s a message I need to hear often. Thanks for helping me feel free to experience whatever hobby inspires me in the moment.
What a great perspective! This article wasn’t what I expected, but definitely what I’ve been needing to hear for a long time, for a couple of decades, actually. If anyone ever asked me to list major themes of my life, at the very top it would read, “I never seem to finish anything I start.” I’ve also been reminded of it by my parents (and other influential people in my life), and that takes me to a deeper issue of this undercurrent of guilt and sense of failure I’ve always lived with. I know people have always wanted me to be an expert or financially “successful” at any number of things simply because, from a very young age, I’ve demonstrated a natural ability or great talent for it, combined with the impression that I enjoy it. My answer has always been that the problem is I have an affinity for MANY things, too many to choose from, and my brain is in overdrive 24/7. That’s probably also the reason for my chronic insomnia. But when you really think about it, is being perpetually curious and multifaceted a “problem” or a bad thing? No, it’s not!! But I’ve let myself believe it is, and I’ve beat myself up needlessly for over half my half-century of this life. No more! I’m going to embrace this peculiar mind I’ve been given, and continue to pursue what draws me. Thank you SO, SO much for this article! This new perspective is going to become a mantra for me.
Its so good to know I’m not alone in this. Thanks for sharing your insight and advice! You can see many of the things I’ve started and stopped all over my channel at http://youtube.com/AmberRoseTV You WILL be entertained.
This is great! As I searched for this I was in the middle of writing up my pottery notes – my new venture! I also get racked with guilt that I don’t finish things or follow them through, Indian Head Massage, Graphic Design, Photography, Jewellery Making, Mosaics, but I now know that what I have learned from all of these and more, is invaluable knowledge, even if I didn’t get to professional stage and selling my own goods (that’s what the new pottery venture is for, lol) then the fun and experience and new skills I have learned are far more than had I not taken up the projects in the first place! And you never know, one day all these skills could come together and make me the master of something….lol!
Thanks for the blog, will stop beating myself up
))
Thanks for the article. I have also felt guilty about having so many interests. I even have periods of a lot of self doubt. But I’m starting to accept that this is a part of who I am and I should just accept myself. I still get curious about the other side and I wonder what it it’s like to not be so actively curious.